To the editor:
I just received an offer in the mail that I wish to pass on to those Cape Coral residents that missed it. It is a letter from a gentleman named Szerlag making me an offer I shouldn't resist. In return for an investment in additional $27.8 in new fees, he promises me a staggering return. For a contribution of no savings or reductions whatsoever from present union members in the present budget, and in fact and increase in future employee costs to fund a bonus of 5 percent which will no doubt be factored into their pensions, he has outfoxed them into negotiating a reduction in future benefits of $125 million over the next generation from employees not yet employed by Cape Coral or represented by these same unions.
Let's see. For new taxes of $695 million over the next 25 years, I might save $125 million. I haven't received an offer like this since Michael Milliken induced me to put my life savings into junk bonds from companies that no longer exist.
It's almost as good as the 18 percent compounded return Bernie Madoff promised me in return for assigning my Social Security checks to him. As soon as I receive my 50 percent share of a gold shipment held at the Lagos, Nigeria customs office in return for a $1000 check sent to a man I never heard of, I may purchase more Cape Coral property so I can contribute even more to the Szerlag investment. Sorry to cut this letter short but I want to send in my check today so I won't miss this opportunity. Now let's see, How we spell Szerlag, "SCAM."
Donald E. McKiernan